Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
