I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize