I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
