Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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