I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize