oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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