just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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