i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize