i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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