She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
