They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
