I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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