and my herpes radar will keep us safe
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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