I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
