the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
