fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
