Ambien. No doubt about it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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