Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
