I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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