I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
