garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
