Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
