I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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