Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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