Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
