I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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