He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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