I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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