Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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