Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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