Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
