I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
