he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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