she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
