This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
