I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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