Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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