i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
