quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
