I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
