im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
