the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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