I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
