Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
