By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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