Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
