Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Congratulations! We have a period
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