All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
