he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
