It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
