i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
