nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
