sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
