Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
