i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
