Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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