i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
