I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
