apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
