tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
