Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
either way he was missing a nipple.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
