My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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