You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
