hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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