We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize