Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
