i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
