I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
