2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They are going to name an STD after you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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