cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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