based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
