how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
