the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
