Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
