someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
