Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize