he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
