Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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