i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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