I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
