The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
