she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
