we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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