Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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