Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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