True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize