i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
