i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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