i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize