So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
a search helicopter?!
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
