between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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