69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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