RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize