Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
