what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
