I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
