I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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