I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
