i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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