take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
