I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize