It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize