Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
