i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
